Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
