dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Buhtt sex?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
