Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
