brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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