and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
