I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
