When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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