i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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