There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
