He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
