I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
