i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's the barista slut.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
