Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
