Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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