there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
