Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
