totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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