Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We left the knife in your bed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
