I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
