Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
