I think my vagina is haunted
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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