Need sex. Gaining weight.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
