Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
