Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
