I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
