she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
