What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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