I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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