Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
