I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
