I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
