I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
