Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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