dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
