I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
