We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
