Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
