My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just google imaged poop.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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