oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
