That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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