dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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