So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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