You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
