He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
