so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
