the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
