I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
