I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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