'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize