this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
