mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
