I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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