Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
