Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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