I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
