News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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