Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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