You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we're so committed to being not committed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
