I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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