Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
