I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
