meet me or not, i'm out of control
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
