don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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