So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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