god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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