Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
