Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
