Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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