She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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