make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
