Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
