she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
