so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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