if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Enjoy the penises
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
