I wish my penis had an off switch
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
