I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
