I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
