that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he puts the penis in happiness.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize