What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
