The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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